Hurt

How is it possible to love someone so much
But at the same time hate them just as much?
Because hate is love
Or is love hate?
Both.
Well in that case, I never wanna “love” again!
Love is a knife
It cuts deeply into the heart
The scars remain there forever
To taunt you and remind you of what once was there
And although the scares hold your heart together
It will never stop bleeding below the surface
And eventually that blood will cause your heart to burst
Until your whole body is bleeding
And there is nothing anyone can do to help you
And you die a slow, extremely painful death
And you blame yourself until it doesn’t matter
And you’d do anything to make it stop
And the one who has caused your suffering takes no notice
The more you bleed, the more he turns his back
And it’s clear to everyone else that it’s his fault
But he remains blind and pretends to care
And the more he fakes love, the more you hurt.
He tears your heart everytime you see him
And remains oblivious to it.
His promises lift you up
But then his lies tear make you fall
Everytime you believe them, you fall harder
And when you think the pain can’t get worse
And you think you can’t hurt anymore,
The pain doubles and you feel you can’t handle it.
You just want to be okay but at the same time you don’t care anymore
Because you don’t want to have hopes and dreams
Because it’ll hurt when they fail
It’s easier not to care, because then you don’t hurt.
But that doesn’t work either, because you do care
And you are hurting
You can’t heal.
No one can help you except the one who can’t see your pain
And even if he saw it
He is now in denial
He says it’s not his fault
He won’t admit he hurt you
He says you don’t love him
He won’t take responsibility
But he also won’t give back your heart.
He rips it up, then apologizes
He thinks everything will be okay.
He holds you close and comforts you
But that comfort is fake; his arms are not there to protect you
His arms are there to trap you
But they feel so safe
They’re warm and “loving”
But then he leaves, he drops you
You fall to the ground and break into a million pieces.
He picks you up, and it all starts again
You know he’ll hurt you
But you cling to the feeling he gives you
You need to be okay for a while
You need that reason for living,
You know he’s your poison
But the problem is that he’s also your only cure.
You can’t let go in the hope it’ll be different.
This time he won’t leave you
He promised you he’d never leave you again
But his promises are as genuine as politicians.
You can’t let go.
It hurts.
You can’t love him.
It hurts.
You can’t hate him.
It hurts.
You can’t think of him.
It hurts.
You can’t forget him.
It hurts.
You can’t forgive him,
But it doesn’t matter
Because you go back anyway,
You love him.
You’re under his curse.
You can’t be released from his spell.