I DON'T REALLY CARE ALL THAT MUCH.
he's leaving the country. No big deal. It's not like I'm going to miss him. He's a good friend and all, but he doesn't mean that much to me. He keeps trying to remind me of what we once had, but the thing is, I don't really feel that way anymore. He was a mistake. I guess I just wanted someone and he was an easy target. He hurt me once, but I was vulnerable. I'm different now. He's the one who makes the effort and tries to make me want him. I don't though, things have changed. He seems happy with a friendship, although it could be an act. Friendship is all he will get from me. I sms him when I'm feeling down. I like talking to him. But overall, I don't really care all that much.
He left two days ago. When I think of him, my insides hurt. I find tears rolling uncontrollably down my face. When I'm feeling down, I just want to sms him. But there's no point. He's far away and he can't receive smses. He returns in six weeks. I'm being silly. I don't need to see him. He doesn't mean a lot to me. I just miss the attention. I don't miss him. I don't really care all that much.
It's been four days now. The pain has gotten a little better. I knew I was over reacting. I'm going to be fine without him. I don't really miss him, or the attention anymore. I have plenty of attention from my ex, the one to whom my heart truly belongs. I don't need him now, even if he wasn't far away. I don't really care all that much.
I broke down today, tears just rushed down. I was having a bad day and all I wanted to do was talk to him. I miss the way he was there for me. But I'll be fine in a few hours, after all, I don't really care all that much.
I found out today that I got it wrong, he gets back in two weeks, not six. My heart is racing and my face hurts from smiling. My stomach feels sick from butterflies. I relax now. The time isn't that long. I guess I panicked thinking he was gone for so long. I'm fine now. I don't really care all that much.
Today something amazing happened. He somehow logged on MXIT. I didn't know he could get it over there. Talking to him was amazing. We didn't get to talk for long though, his battery died. But at least I know he misses me. He made me smile. But it doesn't mean anything because I don't really care all that much.
He left me an offline message. It really made my heart smile. It was good to know he was thinking of me. I'm really starting to miss him again. But it's probably nothing, I mean, I don't really care all that much.
We spoke again today. My heart races at the thought. It was good to speak to him, I felt all tingly inside. I'm counting the days until he comes home. Trying to think of ways to see him. I probably won't make the effort though. I don't really care all that much.
I haven't spoken to him for two days. My eyes hurt, tears are trying so hard to push through. I won't let them though. I won't be a silly little girl. I don't need him, or any other boy. He's just a friend, if he even means that much to me. I don't think he does. I don't really know why I am reacting this way because I don't really care all that much.
He's been gone for a week and a half now. I've eaten about a quarter of the food that I usually would have eaten. I just don't get hungry, I feel empty inside and food doesn't fill that space. My heart is aching to talk to him. I get a rush everytime I think he may be online. But the wait is pointless, because he doesn't log on. But it's really okay, after all, I don't really care all that much.
He gets home in two days. I might go with his best friend to the airport to surprise him. I would do anything to see him. I'm glad he had a good time, but it's time for him to come home now. There are people here who miss him and care a lot about him. I'm not exactly one of those people, but I just feel a strong need for him to come home. It's weird though, because I don't really care all that much.
I deleted him from MXIT and facebook today. I saw messages he had sent to a friend of mine. He cares about her a lot, and I don't know why but it really hurt. I couldn't look at her after reading his sweet words. I wondered why he'd been saying them to her and not to me. I wondered what had happened to us, why he cared less about me now. My heart hurt, my stomach hurt, my eyes hurt, everything hurt. I just don't know why, after all, I don't really care all that much.
He gets home today. I don't care. I'm not going to the airport to see him, why would I? I don't really care all that much.
He gets home in a few hours. I am going to his house to surprise him with his best friend. I don't really know why I am going. I feel like a fool. I'm not sure what the point is of seeing him, because I don't really care all that much.
I just got home from seeing him tonight. Being in his arms felt so safe, so perfect. It was really strange. My lips had a strong urge to greet his, but he didn't seem to have the same desire. I was glad though. We shouldn't kiss again, since I don't really care all that much.
It's been hours since I got home from seeing him. I just can't sleep. My mind is playing a slideshow of his pictures. He looks so cute when he smiles, actually everything about him is just so magical. I laugh at these thoughts, after all, I don't really care all that much.
I was out with my friends today. I had mostly forgotten about seeing him last night. Seems like a distant memory. I guess I don't mean that much to him anymore. He hasn't made any effort. I can't help it though, he's always at the back of my mind. I can't help but wonder why he's there. He shouldn't be, I don't really care all that much.
After our movie, I looked at my phone. I had an sms from him. He wants to talk to me, and he called me baby again. My legs turned to jelly and my stomach just filled with butterflies. I had to sit down and regain my composure. I didn't understand the feeling. I just wanted to get home so I could talk to him. I don't understand why though, because I don't really care all that much.
He told me he was coming to fetch me. I quickly got ready and anxiously waited. I wondered why he was choosing to see me. He had never done this before, but I wasn't complaining. It didn't really matter, because I don't really care all that much.
We sat in the car talking. It was a little awkward at first, but then it got really great. He opened up to me and we spoke about so much. Next thing I know, we're standing in the pouring rain, kissing. His lips felt so soft against mine. This moment was so perfect, it was everything I wanted. I looked into his eyes and I realized the truth, I actually do care. A lot.
I got home, feeling on top of the world. This was my fairytale, but even better, it was real. This night had actually happened. My mind raced into the future, I thought about how amazing we would be together. After all this time, it was finally right. My fairytale was going to have it's happy ending. But I guess I rushed ahead a bit... he won't be in a relationship with me. He's friends with an ex of mine, and even though we've been broken for almost a year, even though he has a new girlfriend and I would never ever get back together with him, the old line remains, "bro's before ho's", the boys code of friendship, with a strong rule being, you cannot date your friend's ex's. I wished there was a way around it, I finally knew exactly what I wanted. But it was too late, I'd made a choice a year ago that would haunt me now. so I guess in the end, I just cared a little bit too much.